On Privilege and Choice

I recently read a couple of posts on this blog I like where there were heated--and sometimes inappropriately worded--debates on veganism.  I think that the blogger dealt with the issue spectacularly in a follow-up post.  But I also found myself thinking more and more about exactly what bothered me about the times when the comments became harsh.

On the one hand, I stand corrected: I don't claim to be vegan (or at least don't mean to do so), but I have sometimes referred to things like "eating vegan" for periods of time.  Yet there are many who find fault with this because to them, veganism (1) requires a full-time commitment (you are either vegan or not), and (2) is about a way of life that includes, but is not limited to, a plants-only diet.  I found these points mostly reasonable and informative. They reminded me not to overstate what I do with my diet, and I will try to be more careful.  On the other hand, there were some (just a few) "capital V" Vegans commenting who were not just frustrated by the loose way the term is used, but who were also incredibly judgmental of others' choices. In particular, some of them claimed that this was a "belief system" that was about justice and humanitarianism rather than a personal choice.  Non-Vegans, or "fake vegans" (for lack of a better phrase) were all unethical in this view.  

And that is where I take exception.  Big-V Veganism might well be a belief system, but it is also a choice of the privileged.  In this regard, it is similar to those who are capital-letter Minimalists, or Homesteaders, or Home Schoolers.  Don't get me wrong--I admire choices like these, and I aspire  to incorporate some of their ideas into my life, even if I'm not sure if want to live them in their entirety or embrace them as beliefs. (For example, I don't have the skills to be a homesteader, and I believe too deeply in the revolutionary and equalizing potential of public education to choose home schooling--though if that's what one of my kids needed, I would try it.)

The thing is, most people in this world eat little or no meat. Most people live with few material goods. Many people engage in subsistence agriculture.  However, they do so out of necessity.  Most would happily eat and feed their children meat more often if they could afford it--not because they are inhumane, but because it provides protein that might keep them healthier and allow their children the nutrients they need as they grow.  Again: this is not to "dis" Vegans. I deeply admire their conviction and I agree with many of their premises.  I might someday decide to take that leap, even though I am not ready now. What I dislike is the judgment and narrow world vision that I see in a few (not all) of them.  I feel the same about Homesteading and Minimalism.  They are wonderful choices and ways of life--but to ignore the privilege from whence they come, relative to how the majority of people on the planet live, strikes me as at best unhealthy, and at worst dangerous.  

I also think that these are choices of privilege within our own country, not just relative to the Global South.  I might dislike Wal-Mart and Burger King...but I have the good luck to fall into a group (with enough money) that I can choose not to buy clothes or food (etc) there.  But if I were a single parent in a low paying job--or, more likely, two jobs--I'd have far fewer options.  

I'm not saying it's only the wealthy who make morally-based choices like Veganism or Minimalism or Homesteading or Home Schooling.  I suspect that there are plenty of people who make hard choices to do those things. But they are choices, and they aren't options for everyone, whether around the world or here in the US.  

I also worry when these decisions are introduced as black-and-white, good versus evil.  I understand conviction and passion, just not the presumption to know that your way is the only way, or that a particular cause is "all or nothing." The problems of our world are complex, and we humans are flawed enough that not one of us has all the answers.  Extremism, even in causes I support (and even when it's just a minority espousing extreme views), frightens me.

So I guess I'll just keep trying to find my way.  I'll keep trying to discover and follow my deepest values. I'll try to teach my children to make compassionate choices whenever they are lucky enough to have choice. I'll aspire to have the patience to pick myself up and try again as I inevitably fall short of where I want to be.  And I will work on building more compassion to understand that others have their own paths to follow--whether by the privilege of choice or the pain of necessity.  

In short, I'd like my musings on the blog post that started all this to remind me to be humble and compassionate in my own convictions.

How can we embrace differing ideas and human imperfection while still advancing causes we care deeply about? How can we build alliances rather than enmities in the quest to make the world a better and more just place? 

These are the questions I keep coming back to, and wishing I were better at living their answers.

One of Those Days/Weeks

Today was one of those days. No, wait: this week was one of those weeks.  Way too much work, a lot of frustration and overwhelm.

In other words: time for gratitude.

Today, this week, I am grateful for:

1) The girl child who feeds my soul with love and laughter

2) The boy child who wants to understand and make me feel better

3) That husband of mine who always has my back

4) Running into this quote just at the right time: "It is in the giving over to smallness that opens us to misery." (Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening, p. 57)

5) The friends who listen to me when I give over to smallness before stepping back to focus on what really matters

6) Friday Family Movie Night--not a panacea, but certainly a salve for the week's wounds

7) Remembering what can be cut back this weekend to make space not only for work, but also sanity saving walks, family time, and rest

Wishing I knew how to keep perspective all the time.  Surviving because I usually find it after a while.

Pi/e on 3/14/15

It was Pi Day yesterday--a special year (3.1415 and all).  So, we had a Pi/e party with friends.

There was a jumbo Pizza Pi/e:

And butterscotch Pi/e:

And there were several other pi/es to be had--including three different chocolate pi/es!  (And two apple, and one blueberry and one strawberry):

On the savory side, there was a vegan Shepherd's Pi/e--and also a chicken pot Pi/e that was completely eaten before I got back into the kitchen with my camera.

It was a good, relaxed time.  No one batted an eye that I didn't have alcohol out.  Everyone hung around and chatted about life, geek t-shirts, work, kids, hopes for spring, etc.  

I'm hoping that my daughter (seen here with the carnage--I mean, leftovers) noticed that the two mathematicians who came are both women.  Her favorite thing lately is division.  

Maybe I'm slightly better at this party thing than I thought I was. Or maybe I just had my tribe in the house last night.  

And you? Did you celebrate Pi Day?  It won't be this big a deal again for 100 years!

Accounting for Time

It's been Spring Break this week.

Here's what I didn't do--I didn't grade much:

(finally forced myself to do a little this morning)

I did watch the snow melt--I can even see part of the deck now! (don't look at how I never emptied herb pots last fall...) 

I did eat vegan, and lots more green food: 

I did do a lot of cooking and baking and drinking of tea:

(I bought this mini Cuisinart a few weeks ago--I thought it might be a waste, but I am loving it)

I did spend some time with the cat...including watching her attack an apron in the kitchen this afternoon: 

I did also do work...just not much grading.

Break is almost over and I feel like I don't know where the time went (again--it's like this for every break, long or short).  At least I took a few photos along the way to remind me that it did, in fact, happen.

Deep breaths.  Eight more weeks of madness to come!

Overload!

One of the benefits of being a person who doesn't like the noise of family crowds (and every gathering in my family involves a true crowd) is that I do not experience the "over-indulgence" problem with rich foods for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We definitely celebrate with food, my little family of four, but without the noise and distraction that leads to the usual overload.  My winter break is a time when I feel light--not only because of the relief from the semester ending, but also because it is a time of quiet in which I balance meals with exercise, rest with family activities.

But this weekend the heaviness came, out of nowhere and fairly unexpectedly. Pizza and cake for Anya's birthday party yesterday. Belgian waffles and muffins and breads at first Sunday brunch today--the new waffle maker was a huge hit.  My kitchen is full of the remains of carbohydrate overload (plus a few strawberries waiting for those leftover waffles in the freezer). I feel myself weighted down, dragging in a way that many experience around New Year's day.  

But, like winter party goers, I also feel filled up with love and laughter and gratitude for the wonderful people in my life. Yesterday my daughter spent an entire afternoon celebrating her birthday with her friends, and she dined on homemade cake that was as filled with love as it was with chocolate. Today we brunched on dense foods with good friends and celebrated the miracle of surviving this snowy February.  Our children played together as we talked of work and life, and as we discussed plans made in hopes that one day we would see green grass again. 

I definitely need lots of light, green foods this week.  Not only to recover from the decadence of the weekend, but also to try to call spring into being, if only in my body.  

P.S. While Howard and I were lounging (much like beached whales) and talking about the day, Anya settled in with us, wrapped herself in a blanket, and said "There is no freedom. There is only paradox."  Ummm...yeah. She's 10.  I'm in soooo much trouble when she hits her teen years...

Into the Weekend (10!)

This afternoon I got off the train to go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond to get better cake pans.  As soon as I was home, it was straight to baking a chocolate layer cake...then right into making home-made macaroni and cheese with steamed broccoli for dinner.

All done for the love of this girl, who turned 10 yesterday (when I had a department meeting and could not cook dinner).  Her birthday party is tomorrow, thus the cake (chocolate frosting to go on tomorrow morning).  

And who, by the way, was delighted that I managed to get this doormat custom made for her special day:

She's been thrilled and surprised at every turn. There is nothing she loves more than celebration and family time.

Anya, my girl, thank you for 10 years of love, delight, joy, angst, drama, pride, annoyance, imagination...and so very much laughter. I love you more than I could ever express in words. 

Happiness is...Six-Sided!

Kind of fascinating (to me) that he could get smiley faces on all six sides of the cube at once.  However, it may also be a sign that he really, really needs to get back to school soon (and yet has a week of vacation to follow having almost the entire first half of February off for snow days).