Thursday, December 1, 2011

Playing with Fire

While in Maine, I lit my first fires.  I know: it's strange that I managed to get to the ripe old age of 46 without having made one. 

My first fire failed.  I gave up for the night and felt completely demoralized.  I was already a bit overwhelmed by actually being in the house and facing all the work ahead of us.  I was convinced that I would never be able to measure up to my own expectations.  How could I live the life I want if I can't even figure out lighting a damned fire?

The next day, with more patience (and remembering more about how others had started fires in my presence), I succeeded.  The fire glowed and the wood stove eventually warmed the room...and much of the downstairs.  It was the coziest I'd ever felt in a home of my own, and the kids were mesmerized by the flames as they listened to a book on CD that evening.

And I gained confidence.  Maybe, just maybe, I can find my way to the kind of life that I really want to be living...and by just being me, not by trying to be like anyone else.  There might even be hope for me in the garden one of these years--though I'm not entirely convinced of that yet.  But, I'll keep trying. 

What experiences have built your confidence and determination lately?

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